When it comes to my writing I pay close attention to what is going on in my own life to see if it might be useful to you. “Is there a message here?” Right now I’m in the emotion, the loss, the confusion, the numbness of – I’m hoping – a growth experience. Even though it feels vulnerable to share I imagine we can all learn something if I do.  So here goes…

In the late 1990’s I began a growth journey that lasted for over a decade. While on that journey my life was disassembled – piece by piece – right down to ether. I was then left with the task/challenge/opportunity of putting myself back together. Where does one begin the process of reassembly when their life is strewn about them in pieces?

The Turning Point

The pivotal point of my journey came during, and shortly after, a challenging visit with a healer. He kept asking, “Are you happy?” “Maybe. One doesn’t always get to be happy in this life do they?”  “But are you happy?” The truth is, I was terribly unhappy and had been for some time. I was just plugging along, biding my time, not really knowing what to do about my discontent. Some time later I heard Dr. Phil say, “Life is not a dress rehearsal.” I was living my life as though I had a ‘do-over’ coming to me.  The healer closed our visit with the statement, “It is your beliefs that are keeping you stuck.” At first I didn’t’ get the impact of his words, after all, I’d seen him as a practitioner dozens of times before. But when I walked out of his office a short while later I discovered that through his questioning and the resulting ponderings on my part that the framework of my world had been dismantled. Poof. Gone. It was as if I had been using tremendous energy to keep up a projected façade of ‘my happy life’ and I just couldn’t do it any more.  Something, probably Divine, caused my entire belief system to collapse. If you’ve ever had that experience you know how scary that is.  It is as if the ground itself opens up and swallows you and there is nothing to hang on to.

See Also: Your Divorce is Over-Now What?

After what seemed like an eternity…

….but was in reality probably only an hour or two, I began the slow process of piecing my life back together one component at a time. It took some time to find the first piece that felt true for me. I started with God. “God is real.” The rest of the pieces came over time, as in years of time, like one big jigsaw puzzle. Every once in a while, when I was completely and utterly dismayed, Spirit would come by and put one single piece into place and as if with a pat on my head say “Good job, keep it up.” It was absolutely maddening. I wanted answers. I wanted my life back together, functioning, and to have some semblance of peace. But not getting the answers, or even hints, caused me to stretch and grow beyond what I thought was possible.

The good news is that I am a different person today because of those struggles

Until every one of my beliefs was called into question I hadn’t realized how much structure a belief system provides. Beliefs are to our soul as a skeleton is to the body. They give us structure. “I am this. I am not that.” “I like this. I do not like that.” “This is true. That is not true.” Our beliefs help us order our lives and provide a way to understand the world at large.

My newly developed belief system has served me well over the last 5 years or so but I get the sense that I’m growing out of this one too. Ah oh. Journey time again. I wonder if I’m ready… as if I get a choice.  I’ve come to know that personal work is to the soul what exercise is to the physical body. It’s a workout.  It’s tiring.  It’s been nice to have a rest for a while.

Being confronted with what is not working in my life is ultimately a good thing. My head knows that. My heart is afraid. What will be required of me this time?