We are very different, my soon to be Ex and I. We both knew it. I’m not sure what he thought but I thought those relationship differences wouldn’t matter all that much. “As long as the love is there, right?” What I’ve learned is that love isn’t the glue. It’s something else. And pretending isn’t love either.

Our Differences

We’ve both lived long enough to have narrowed down our passions…and they don’t match up. He’s a scuba instructor. I don’t swim. I love to climb high mountains. He’s afraid of heights. Spirit is the center of my life. Spirituality rarely makes it into his field of vision. I have lots of kids and grandkids. He has none. There are many more. Those relationship differences didn’t matter for a long time. And then they did. I am questioning how I once thought marrying someone with whom I had so little in common would work in the long run. I think there was a lot of pretending going on. He was pretending to be someone else. I was pretending to believe him. All for the sake of protecting this thing we called love. The pretending had to stop sometime. It did. And we were face to face with US.

Calling It Quits

So we’ve decided to call it quits—to maintain our individuality and our sanity. Even though this is something we mutually agreed to, it has still thrown us into “divorce.” It seems it should be easier since we’ve both chosen it, but it isn’t. Divorce has its own rules and we have no choice but to follow them whether we like it or not. He and I are still living in the same space until I can get packed and moved. It’s hard to process the emotions like anger and grief while maintaining some equanimity in order to live together in some kind of peace. I know many of you have to live in the same space for a while, too. It presents many challenges.

I know that a lot of my processing is waiting until I have space around me to think. I’ll keep you posted as to how that’s going. Are you still living with your soon to be Ex? How’s it going?