Energy is a funny thing. When you have it, you don’t think much about it. When you don’t, it seems like a most precious commodity. I haven’t had much of that precious substance lately. Too tired to exercise. I’m taking a lot of naps and avoiding social events that would tax me.
Today, for reasons unknown to me, I woke up energized. Went for a run. Cooked a real breakfast. Started writing. I feel different today, and it feels great. Wish I could bottle it!
As I was running this morning I suddenly thought it important to review my life and forgive myself for everything I I felt badly about. I’ve been carrying a lot of weight from past events, relational interactions, choices I’ve made. Can you relate? I think my response to things I do ‘wrong’ comes from my upbringing—most things do. When I didn’t know what to do as a child I just did the best I knew to do and then felt guilty as some sort of penance for the lack of all the things I didn’t know. Wow. I’ve unknowingly brought that all the way to my adult world.
Changing My Story
What I’ve discovered in my adult world is that I create more peace for myself when I change the stories I tell myself. I have peace when I forgive myself for the things I didn’t know to do, or know how to do, and for the expectation that I have to be perfect. Who the heck knows how to do that? I don’t think we get to know. Life is live and learn, not learn and live.
Are you beating yourself up today? Do you have things somewhere in the recesses of your mind, or heart, that you keep replaying, trying to get it right this time? “I forgive myself for…” is a powerful statement! What do you need to forgive yourself for, right here, right now? No “yea buts” just let yourself off the hook.
Do these painful ‘shouldas’ keep coming back? Check out this little Forgive to Let Go ebook on Forgiveness, with a section on self-forgiveness for some ways to change that replay button in your head to fast-forward. I wrote these things from my own experience so others don’t have to go through the same brain damage I have to find some peace. I hope they serve you.
Good. Now go outside and have some fun!