Are you stuck? Is it hard to let go of past ‘stuff’ and move into a simpler and more peaceful life? That happens to me too. I believe forgiveness is key to moving on. I am determined to discover the ‘how’ of forgiveness, which I believe is also the key to happiness. I have a sneaking suspicion that it may even be THE key to a life lived in joy, but I can’t prove that just, yet :-).
After a betrayal in my own life…
… which will have no resolution, I was left feeling angry, dismissed and deeply hurt. Because there is no resolve, I realize my choice is to stay in those icky emotions, or find a way out. Stay in pain, or make my way to light. Hmmm. I know what I want to choose. I am determined to find the bigger, more purposeful resolution. And when I’m determined to do something, I don’t let go. My personal life lessons are often lessons my readers are also learning, so I share what I learn when it seems appropriate. So here is part two of my journey to forgiveness…
I’ve asked the Powers That Be: God, Life, Spirit, Source, Universe, Higher Power, whatever your term would be, to help me understand forgiveness, which I believe is the key to freedom. Not forgiving keeps me small. It keeps me bound. I hate it. Instead of feeling a genuine sense of strength, I feel like there’s a bully inside. It’s like holding on to some mad little gnome who is trying to punch its way out of a burlap bag—only the bag is inside me. Ugh.
As background, I waited 5 years for the buyout of a sizable amount of money from my divorce. I learned a year ago that I will never receive it. I’d put a lot of hope into it, expecting it would end many of my difficulties, not all of which are financial. It also represented an acknowledgment of the many hard years I dedicated to raising 4 kids that were only 6 years apart in age, on a shoestring budget. It would also mean that my divorce was final once and for all. None of those things are going to happen. Having trusted that this payment would be made, I also realized I’d misplaced my trust.
I am usually aware that there is an All Good, an All That Is, my Source if you will, who has far more resources than a person ever could—and not just monetary resources, but also things like peace and joy. But in this situation I forgot. Truthfully, for a time, it threw me into a survival mode. It’s hard to think straight when survival feels threatened. After being with the initial shock of it for a while, I began to catch glimpses of the abundance that is always available to me when I’m not in fear, when I turn my eyes toward what is real, although I can say the vision of it can be as slippery as a bar of soap in the shower! Just when I had a grasp on it, it would squirt away!
When I can hang on to it, I realize that all wealth and riches and even wisdom of All That Is, are at my disposal, I need only get my foot off the hose. When I remain in the demand that things be fair, that I get my due, or the protest that this ‘shouldn’t’ be, I remain focused and looking for good things to come from a stagnant pool. My eyes are turned away from the Unlimited Fountain of Supply that is flowing right next to me. So I guess a big part of what I’m learning is that forgiveness is also a change of focus.
As We Grow Larger, The Betrayal Becomes Smaller
Not long ago I read a book called Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping. The author’s premise is that on some level we call every experience to ourselves in order to learn an important lesson. The people in our lives, sometimes at great sacrifice to themselves, fill a role, often of a ‘bad guy’, to bring us the experience that will open us up to the greater possibility. If this is true, we are not victims of life but instead call people/experiences to us along the way as teachers. That’s a tough pill to swallow but I think if we’re really going to move past hurts and betrayals and grow from our experiences, it is a useful concept to consider. We must grow into that next larger version of self so that the betrayal can become smaller. Put another way, as we grow into the next larger version of ourselves, the betrayals become smaller. We grow past them.
This has been a really big and costly lesson for me.
But if I’ve learned to look to the unlimitedness of All That Is, instead of to finite humans to provide me with my heart’s desires, it’s been worth the lesson. Is there anything more valuable than discovering that nothing of genuine and lasting value can ever be taken from us? With this discovery, I can thank my former partner for providing me with an experience that led me to the bigger path. It then becomes my job to walk it.
I’d love to hear about your experiences with forgiveness. Have you found it yet? Are you gaining freedom? Does it help you let go and move on? How? Talk to me.